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Hello
What's your "BLAHmeter" Telling You?
Soul Restoration Tip
Contact Info
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Hello from The Bright Side! It's been a bumpy ride the past couple of weeks as far as the e-zine goes, but we are working on things and appreciate your understanding. As you know from the 'test' message we sent, our server list crashed and then defaulted to an earlier version. Fortunately, we have reconstructed most of our records and they should (I pray!) be accurate.

Let me reiterate the "test" message in case you missed it. If you were once a subscriber, but no longer wish to be, there is a slight chance your email may be in our records again. For that, I am very sorry and we have no intention of sending unwanted email. You may unsubscribe again by going to www.brightsidecoaching.com/subscribe.htm. Put your full email address in the top box and click the unsubscribe box. You will then be deleted from our list. We'll miss you, but we understand. :)

Also, if by chance, you receive more than one copy of this newsletter, follow the same instructions and then you will be in our records just once. This should not have happened unless you re-subscribed yourself after receiving the test we sent out.

Soooo, in summary, if you are getting The Bright Side today and you want to, then all is well. Yea! Cool! :) If you do not wish to receive this newsletter, then please remove your email address as instructed above and accept our sincere apology. And if you get more than one copy of this, also follow the instructions for removal. If you need help with these instructions, please just email me at Beth@BrightSideCoaching.com and I will see that your needs are handled personally.

Whew! The good news in all this is that I have been guaranteed this will never happen again and our records are up to date with no problems! I cannot tell you how much we appreciate your cooperation and understanding in this matter. Thank you!

OK, I'll be quiet now. Thanks for being a special part of our community! I am especially grateful today!

With Love,
Beth
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What's Your "BLAHmeter" Telling You?

Have you ever felt that something was vaguely wrong? Maybe that you weren't at the top of your game? I am not talking about a full blown depression, but something more common. It's that little nagging voice in you head telling you that something is not quite right. Elton John may sing his catchy tune "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues," but I am talking about a full blown case of THE BLAHS here. You know what I mean?

In my own life and in working with clients, I find that most people have BLAH days and even BLAH weeks. They aren't sick but neither are they well. They are just ... well ... BLAH. They come to our coaching calls wondering how to get themselves back on the success track again. My role is to serve as a sounding board and then offer practical suggestions for making that happen.

In the course called Psycho-Cybernetics (available at www.nightingaleconant.com), Maxwell Maltz identifies 7 warning signals to pay attention to in order to avoid a full blown failure. The warning signals do not indicate that you HAVE failed, but that you may be headed in that direction if you do not change the course of your behavior. The signals serve as your "BLAHmeter." (I like this new word I made up!) :)

Mr. Maltz says, "A detour sign on the highway doesn't mean that you are a bad driver. It is a signal to change direction -- an indication that you are likely to have an accident if you continue on your present course." And so it is with the signals that warn you are off course. Use these as guideposts and you will most likely remain on your success path. If you ignore them, be prepared for a possible accident.

The 7 warning signals are:

1. Frustration. This is your very first clue! Frustration includes feelings of urgency, saying 'yes' to things you want to say 'no' to, feeling that you do not make a difference, or feelings of inadequacy. All these contribute to the BLAH feeling and are warning signs of greater trouble ahead. Often feelings of frustration are about someone else's behavior and how it is affecting us. Begin to look at YOUR role in your frustration and take back your personal power. Plan your time wisely and don't get caught in the urgency game. Say NO. You can! Find a way to make a difference and then do it instead of just talking about it.

2. Aggression. Aggression is what follows frustration. OK, so you missed the first signals and now you are becoming angry. The secret for avoiding failure here is to turn that aggressive feeling into assertiveness. Both of these are strategies for getting what you want, however the assertive personality uses a win-win strategy of team building instead of tearing others down. The next time you feel aggressive about a situation, ask yourself how you can turn the conversation into a win-win, take a deep breath and then do it!

{Note: Specific techniques for these communication tools are found in many books. I recommend Difficult Conversations, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen; Winning Without Intimidation, Bob Burg; Getting To Yes, Robert Fisher and William Ury; and How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty, Patti Breitman.}

3. Insecurity. This is another result of not recognizing the vague feeling of inadequacy that comes from frustration. This can definitely fuel the BLAHS! There can be some deep rooted reasons for insecurity, but there are also some simple strategies to overcoming it. Begin to set small goals and then attain them. Each one builds on the other and increases self-esteem. One step at a time can evolve into big wins!

4. Loneliness. Being cut off from others is a sign that you are cut off from yourself as well. Loneliness is the wall that keeps fear locked in and people locked out. It is self-protection. I am not talking about spending healthy time alone. That is productive time. I am all for that! Here I am talking about isolation that keeps one from connecting with others. Talk about the BLAHS! The way to break this cycle is to force yourself to do new things and interact with others. Cheryl Richardson, author of Take Time for Your Life, likes to call this, "building a soulful community." Hey -- if you build it, they will come. :)

5. Uncertainty. I like to call this the "frustrated perfectionist syndrome." Do you procrastinate over getting things done? Have you ever considered that it might be because you want it done just "right?" Do you fear failure? These are all signs of uncertainty and they keep you stuck. Stuck = the BLAHS. Pay attention to this warning signal and break your patterns. You don't have to be the best each time. A road paved with obstacles is generally much more interesting, you learn a lot more, and your 'wins' feel even bigger. Take a chance on that road less traveled!

6. Resentment. This is the greatest robber of personal happiness, according to Psycho-Cybernetics' Maxwell Maltz. This is also known as "victim mentality" in which one blames everyone else for his/her problems. It's that feeling of injustice. It's not taking responsibility for your own feelings and behaviors. How disempowering! Big-time BLAHS! Take note of this warning signal before it becomes a huge problem. Learn to forgive others and forgive yourself. It's often been said that forgiveness is more about 'us' moving on than it is about the person who may have wronged us.

I use the following technique with clients:
-- COULD you let the feeling of resentment over ________ go?
-- WOULD you let it go? If so, WHEN? If not, WHEN? To be healthy one has to let go so go ahead and make the decision that you will -- sooner is much better than later or too late.

{I recommend The Little Book of Letting Go, Hugh Prather and The Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie.}

In the 12 Step programs, they refer to this as "letting go and letting God." Can you?

7. Emptiness. This is the feeling of loneliness that we mentioned earlier, but magnified. This is generally a result of living out someone else's dreams for your life and not your own. Your creativity is stifled and you are not fulfilled. You may go through the motions but they seem meaningless. Have you ever known people who could buy whatever they wanted but they are empty inside? They are BLAH.

In coaching, I often work with 'successful' (by the worlds standards) people who are searching for that meaning in their life. They want fulfilling relationships, jobs and a lifestyle that supports WHO they are, not just WHAT they are. Clients explore career options, strategies, values, and basically reconnect with themselves. You can begin to fill that emptiness too. Ask yourself what you perfect day is like, perfect job, perfect relationships, etc. Begin to write these things down and explore what comes up for you. If you'd like the support of a coach, let me know. I have a wealth of information on this subject as that's a coach's job! :)

Recognize these warning signals as they come up for you. Address them in a healthy way and watch your "BLAHmeter" go down, leaving you the energy to create the life you really want!
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Soul Restoration Tip

When you explore the signals discussed above, it is really very powerful to write down your feelings. Journaling is a very empowering way of jump-starting your creativity and your self-esteem. People can be at a loss as to where to begin though. There's a great newsletter I'd like to recommend if this sounds like you. If you subscribe, each day you will be emailed a journaling prompt -- a sentence or question that gets your brain in gear for writing out your feelings. Very thought provoking! Visit www.creative-journal.com to learn more.
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That's it for this edition of The Bright Side. Thanks for being here! As I said earlier, I am grateful!

Until the next time ... no blahs! :)

Beth
Professional Life Coach / Writer / Human Being

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Contact Info

Copyright 2001 Beth Pugh
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