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The Power of Words

Remember the old verse 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will
never hurt me?'  What a bunch of baloney that is!  The fact is broken bones
can heal, but the wound words open can hurt forever.  Has that ever happened
to you?  When you think of yourself, do you remember those painful words in
the back of your mind?

Words are powerful.  They can destroy and they can move mountains.

I recently saw the movie, 'Cast Away,' with Tom Hanks.  It was a great movie
with many life lessons that one could write books about (but I won't).  ;)   
It was the type of film that left one thinking for days afterwards.

Without giving away the storyline (although the title is pretty
self-explanatory), I would like to focus on one small part of the story that
may get overlooked.  In the movie, Chuck, the character Tom Hanks plays, was
sometimes less than kind to his dear friend, Mr. Wilson.  His words were
painful and insensitive.  There were, as there always are, consequences to
the unkind communication.

We all say things from time to time out of anger or frustration, but it is
rarely productive to be the sender or the receiver in a hostile situation.  
We hurt ourselves when we act out of integrity by lashing out and we
certainly don't like to be on the receiving end of harshness.

How can we become mindful of the things we say and how they affect others?  
I'd like to offer the following suggestions:

1.  Learn to communicate in an effective way.  Begin to tell your truth
before a misunderstanding develops.  Be honest.  Teach others how to please
you and tell them what you need from them.

2. Set your own personal boundaries and maintain them.  Associate yourself
with those people who treat you with respect. If you need to, teach people
how to speak and interact with you.  It goes without saying that you do the
same for others.

3.  Listen, listen, listen.  Really HEAR what is being said and what is not.   
To do this, shut out other distractions.  As a coach, I work with my computer
turned on continuously. If I am on a call with a client, however, I do not
look at it.  To let it interfere with our conversation is undermining the
listening skills I have worked hard to develop.  What do you need to tune out
to really hear the other person?  Deep listening will inevitably result in
more productive communication.

4.  Get in touch with your spiritual side.  When we are connected to God and
the Universe, both larger than ourselves, we tend to be able to see the 'big
picture.' Take the time to realize that there is much more out there than
just the little part of the world we occupy here and now.  A spiritual
awareness does, indeed, curb a harsh tongue.

5. Practice random acts of kindness. The flow that comes from being a giving
person is one that grows and grows.  To be honored as a compassionate person
is extremely powerful and helps one attract other wonderful giving people
into your world.  Learn to affect others in a profound way and you will be
blessed.  If you think you don't have time or energy, just try it and see if
it makes a difference in your perspective.  If you are like many people I
associate with, you will find that it does. Remember that kindness begets
kindness.

6. Let go and slow down. Sometimes our frustrations and irritability come
from being rushed or having a full plate. We can fall into the
'how-much-can-I-fit-into-one-day' trap. What can you let go of and make room
for?  I'll confess that I have been consumed with my work in recent months,
but it has not been especially good for me.  I recently started back running
(ugh!)  :)  and doing some new, different types of exercises.  Letting go of
work and doing something good for my physical health has increased my
productivity and creativity level, while decreasing my stress level.  Less
stress = more pleasant conversations.

7.  Before speaking, try to see the other persons point of view. Put yourself
in the other persons shoes and just see what happens.  How does it feel to be
where that person is now?  Practice compassion and you will most often find
it returned to you.

Realize that there are times when there are just going to be disagreements.  
Sometimes that is even healthy.  The key here is to begin to follow the above
steps on a regular basis before speaking.  Make them a habit and watch how
your words are directed in a more constructive way.  See how others respond
to you and how much more effective your conversations are.

Like characters in a movie, we all learn as we go along.  We make mistakes
and then wish we could take back our words.  The problem is we can never
totally take them back.  We can apologize, be forgiven and have the
conversation be over.  But is it really over in our hearts?  Learn to protect
your heart and those you talk with by being mindful of the power of words.  
They are to be handled with care.

I'd like to finish with an old Irish Blessing.  At the church I attend,
everyone in the congregation joins hands and sings this verse as a wonderful way of saying farewell for now.  It's my wish for you ...

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind blow at your back
May the sun shine warmly on your face
May the rain fall softly on your feet
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Warmest,
Beth
Professional Life and Relationship Coach