Beth Burns
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"The Awakening" by Sonny Carroll
A time comes
in your life when you finally get it . ..
When in the midst of all your fears and
insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the
voice
inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting
and crying or struggling to hold on. And,
like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your
sobs begin
to subside, you shudder once or twice, you
blink back
your tears and through a mantle of wet
lashes you begin
to look at the world through new eyes...
This is your awakening.
You realize
that it's time to stop hoping and waiting
for something to change or for happiness,
safety and
security to come galloping over the next
horizon. You
come to terms with the fact that you are
not Prince
Charming and she is not Cinderella and
that in the
real world there aren't always fairy tale
endings (or
beginnings for that matter) and that any
guarantee of
"happily ever after" must begin
with you and in the
process a sense of serenity is born of
acceptance.
You awaken to
the fact that you are not perfect and
that not everyone will always love,
appreciate or
approve of who or what you are . . . and
that's OK.
(They are entitled to their own views and
opinions.)
And you learn the importance of loving and
championing
yourself and in the process a sense of new
found
confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop
complaining and blaming other people for the
things they did to you (or didn't do for
you) and you
learn that the only thing you can really
count on is
the unexpected. You learn that people
don't always say
what they mean or mean what they say and
that not
everyone will always be there for you and
that it's
not always about you.
So, you learn
to stand on your own and to take care of
yourself and in the process a sense of
safety &
security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging
and pointing fingers and you begin to
accept people as
they are and to overlook their
shortcomings and human
frailties and in the process a sense of
peace &
contentment is born of forgiveness.
You realize that
much of the way you view yourself, and the
world
around you, is as a result of all the
messages and
opinions that have been ingrained into
your psyche.
And you begin
to sift through all the crap you've been
fed about how you should behave, how you
should look,
what you should wear, where you should
shop, what you
should drive, how and where you should
live, what you
should do for a living, who you should
sleep with, who you
should marry and what you should expect of
a marriage,
the importance of having and raising
children or what
you owe your parents.
You learn to
open up to new worlds and different
points of view. And you begin reassessing
and
redefining who you are and what you really
stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting
and needing
and you begin to discard the doctrines and
values
you've outgrown, or should never have
bought into to
begin with and in the process you learn to
go with
your instincts. You learn that it is truly
in giving
that we receive.
And that there
is power and glory in creating and
contributing and you stop maneuvering
through life
merely as a "consumer" looking
for your next fix.
Your learn
that principles such as honesty and
integrity are not the outdated ideals of a
by gone era
but the mortar that holds together the
foundation upon
which you must build a life.
You learn that
you don't know everything; it's not
your job to save the world and that you
can't teach a
pig to sing. You learn to distinguish
between guilt
and responsibility and the importance of
setting
boundaries and learning to say NO. You
learn that the
only cross to bear is the one you choose
to carry and
that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn
about love. Romantic love and familial
love. How to love, how much to give in
love, when to
stop giving and when to walk away. You
learn not to
project your needs or your feelings onto a
relationship. You learn that you will not
be more
attractive, more intelligent, more lovable
or important
because of the person on your arm or the
child that bears
your name. You learn to look at
relationships as they
really are and not as you would have them
be. You
stop trying to control people, situations
and
outcomes.
You learn that
just as people grow and change so it is
with love ... and you learn that you don't
have
the right to demand love on your terms . .
. just to
make you happy.
And, you learn
that alone does not mean lonely . . .
And you look in the mirror and come to
terms with the
fact that you will never be a perfect 10
and you stop trying to compete with the
image inside
your head and agonizing over how you
"stack up."
You also stop
working so hard at putting your feelings
aside, smoothing things over and ignoring
your needs.
You learn that feelings of entitlement are
perfectly
OK ... and that it is your right to want
things
and to ask for the things that you want .
. . and that
sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to
the realization that you deserve to be
treated with love, kindness, sensitivity
and respect
and you won't settle for less. And,
you allow only
the hands of a lover who cherishes you to
glorify you
with their touch . . . and in the
process you
internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn
that your body really is your temple.
And you begin to care for it and treat it
with
respect. You begin eating a balanced diet,
drinking
more water and taking more time to
exercise. You learn
that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can
create
doubt and fear. So you take more time to
rest.
And, just as
food fuels the body, laughter fuels our
soul. So you take more time to laugh and
to play.
You learn,
that for the most part, in life you get
what you believe you deserve . . . and
that much of
life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn
that anything worth achieving is worth
working for and
that wishing for something to happen is
different from
working toward making it happen.
More
importantly, you learn that in order to achieve
success you need direction, discipline and
perseverance. You also learn that no one
can do it all
alone and that it's OK to risk asking for
help.
You learn that
the only thing you must truly fear is
the great robber baron of all time.
FEAR itself. You
learn to step right into and through your
fears
because you know that whatever happens you
can handle
it and to give in to fear is to give away
the right to
live life on your terms.
And you learn
to fight for your life and not to
squander it living under a cloud of
impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you
don't
always get what you think you deserve and
that
sometimes bad things happen to
unsuspecting, good
people. On these occasions you learn not
to personalize
things. You learn that God isn't punishing
you or
failing to answer your prayers. It's
just life happening.
And you learn
to deal with evil in its most primal
state -- the ego. You learn that
negative feelings
such as anger, envy and resentment must be
understood
and redirected or they will suffocate the
life out of
you and poison the universe that surrounds
you. You
learn to admit when you are wrong and to
build bridges
instead of walls.
You learn to
be thankful and to take comfort in many
of the simple things we take for granted,
things that
millions of people upon the earth can only
dream
about; a full refrigerator, clean running
water, a
soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you
begin to take responsibility for yourself
by yourself and you make yourself a
promise to never
betray yourself and to never ever settle
for less than
your heart's desire. And you hang a
wind chime
outside your window so you can listen to
the wind.
And you make it a point to keep smiling,
to keep
trusting and to stay open to every
wonderful
possibility.
Finally, with
courage in your heart and with God by
your side you take a stand, you take a
deep breath and
you begin to design the life you want to
live as best
as you can.
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